Breaking Out of J

I retook the Myers-Briggs test today and guess what, I'm a strong INFJ. 80% I, 80% N, 70% F and 80% J. Many people hate this test, feeling constrained by its prescriptions. I actually like it - it helps me understand others and is a great go to topic in awkward silences. :) Plus, it helps me carefully winnow out chosen friends as I only talk to people who are my opposites (ENTP, ESTP)... Smirk.

In all seriousness, my theory is that relating to individuals who are very strong in a trait I share tends to push me in the opposite direction. For example, if my sole friend is an introverted control freak (I and J), I am pushed to become more extroverted and spontaneous. Thankfully, I do not know many introverted control freaks. Winnowing, winnowing... That and my mood tends to skew my INFJ-ness. Right now, I'm stuck in a hotel room and extremely tired... This is pretty much me distilled.

This weekend, I broke out of the man formerly known as INFJ and it felt great. Feeling bored and tired at a barbeque, I (along with 3 other weirdos - many of whom were sticking with their personality traits) decided to drive 2 hours to Philladelphia and enjoy a spontaneous adventure. We ran up Rocky's steps, climbed empty fountains, got lost in West Philli suburbs (wouldn't recommend that) and stuffed our faces with buttered bread + beef + cheese + lard and fries. It was great. It was freeing. It was so much fun.

So yes, I do like the MB test. It's a great starting point for understanding others, but is definitely not a be all and catch all. Sometimes, the greatest joys in life are found when we step out of ourselves and let loose (ala Dr. Manhattan). I'm sorry, totally inappropriate...

There are some people whose status quo is a state of constant spontaneity - I am very jealous. For us normal folk, the spontaneity and adventure is something our heart thrives on and our 9-5's don't provide. What am I trying to say? There is so much to live for; so much which we do not allow ourselves to enjoy because it does not fall in line with our personality, plans, expectations, etc. Spontaneity definitely comes with a sacrifice, but at the core of spontaneity is a heart that longs to rely on more than its mind. This is a heart that thumps and beats, and most importantly - lives.

You Alone Can

Hurt tugging at my side,
Just want to shut down,
Why continue? Why try?
Why pretend?

If I give in,
Is there relief?
If I stop,
Is there finally peace?

Hurt just holds,
I try to escape,
Where dreams expected,
Push toward hate

If there is You,
And I believe,
My life affected,
My spirit saved

Come and rescue,
Come revive,
Piece the broken,
Mend this life,

Here I am,
My hurt in hand,
Trusting You,
For you alone can

First Post

Some things are better written than spoken. It's always been easier for me to communicate through writing, rather than speech. While this is reflective of a somewhat reticent personality, putting down thoughts on paper impels me to thoroughly reflect and validate the emotions and stances that, at first glance, seem so black and white. Quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.

This is my outlet; something I've missed since college and (hopefully) something that points to sustenance and strength outside of me.