"I Want What is Mine"

My need to be righteous will cause me to focus on the faults of others instead of being aware of my own spiritual need.

My need to be self-sufficient will keep me from depending upon the Spirit and recognizing the need I have for others.

My need to be in control will keep me from surrendering to the Spirit's leading.

My need to be right will keep me from yielding to a better idea.

My concern for my "reputation" will keep me from being a servant.

The demands of my methods or style may keep me from being able to give.

My felt need to protect my time, talent, treasure, will keep me from self-denial and the spiritual power that can be found there.

My need to be served will keep me from finding the joy of service.

My striving for "success" will keep me from making others successful.

Where there has been disappointment and the feeling of failure, when we return to the Father, that pain is transformed into greater intimacy with Him. Our perspective on life and our role in it is liberated from the tyranny of "what is mine" so that we can embrace more of what is God's.

- Dr. Geoff Gorush

Rational

We often have no idea what the "right" thing is. If we do know, we usually don't follow. The "right" thing sounds pretty ridiculous at times, and why wouldn't it? When it comes to various sins and temptations, we are told things like "flee", "pluck out your eye" and "do not let the sun go down on your anger."

If you stop listening to yourself and our culture for a moment, do any of these commands actually make sense? Isn't fleeing an admission of weakness? Ravi Zacharias told a story of a young man who threw his key out of a front-locked hotel room, to avoid the "temptations of the night." Why the extreme measure?

Why not?

I think we believe ourselves stronger than we are. To think of it, were we that strong... would we need a savior?

To need a savior admits weakness. It is transference of trust based on our inability. And yet, we don't listen to this savior. We play with fire and are surprised when we get burned. We blame our parents, schooling, friends, etc. for our failures - needing an explanation for our failures. Any explanation, apart from our sin, to calm our conscience and feed our pride.

Nonetheless... any solution, apart from the gospel's address of sin, will only strengthen the problem - our self, our sin. God is not just rational, He is (as Pastor Ed puts it) "super-rational." I know my inability; I know my sin; I know my limits and by God's grace, I will know His ways. There isn't always a logical explanation for obedience, but the God who assembled my eyes, nervous system and fingers is more than trustworthy to be obeyed.

The hard work of obedience cannot be predicated on self-reward. If it were, God would be means to an end. The hard work of obedience must first of all, be birthed from a full awareness of our weakness and God's transcendent power and holiness. Secondly, obedience must be a response of faith to God's mercy and grace. Obedience that is not convinced of complete forgiveness is unbelief.

Even when it sounds ridiculous and impractical, obedience is borne from a heart of love that is fully convinced that His ways are much, much higher than ours.

Care

If you really care
Then why break me
Why not leave me be
Let the world and life forsake me

Why intervene
Why chastise, correct, instruct
Let me be alone
Let me determine my own luck

You always pursue
I just can't reason why
I want you to stop
To find justice through my eyes

I can't forgive
You love and give away
I can't resist
Yet you tell me I'm ok

I want my way
You gently open my hands
Pushing others away
You slowly reshape my plan

My way is wrong
My heart set on selfish gain
It's only Your love
That fully answers my sin and shame

Is it possible?
That You saw all this before me
That you meant good
Even though pain is all I see?

I see in part
So now I hate and complain
You've seen in whole
And yet Your love for me remains

Too Much

Pour myself out
A pail with no end
Keep giving more
Won't lose you my friend

Too much of nothing
Drowning the soul
Not just for me
But all whom I hold

A broken cup
Can only be filled
On calvary
Through the blood that He spilled

Pity

I have a few friends that I tend to pity. Friends who, when mentioned, provoke responses of "I feel bad for them....", "Do they know that they..." or even, "We have to pray for so and so, because..." When I investigate my heart, I find that much of my pity is akin to the elder brother mentality in the parable of the prodigal son.

In my "pity", I compare myself with another and glory in the betterment of my standards applied to their lives. How do I know this true? There have been countless times where God has worked and changed the lives of people I once felt bad for. Instead of praising His mercy and grace, I find myself uncomfortable, angry and jealous. The basis of righteousness (i.e. the betterment of my standards) is threatened, and all my "work" seems pointless; God does not appear fair.

If we only knew the full extent of being "hidden in Christ." We enjoy delighting in the benefit of being God's children, but do we know that it also means we are no longer our own? We are not the god of our lives anymore, and all such "pity", "feel bad for" and jealous envy is nothing but foolishness. God's love is not mutually exclusive; He shows no favoritism.

In light of, or rather because of my foolishness, I am thankful to God that He gives more, more and more grace.

"Son, you are always with me, and all that is mine is yours. It was fitting to celebrate and be glad, for this your brother was dead, and is alive; he was lost, and is found." Luke 15:31b-32

"What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask.

But he gives more grace. Therefore it says, “God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble.” Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded." James 4: 1-2, 6-8

Choices

I give you so much weight
As if making you made me
I'll turn away from passive fate
For there's much that I can't see

I admit, you are a big deal
But not to define or secure
In you I find a proof of a seal
In God no less, no more

Harsh

I see two dynamics with people who are unusually harsh on themselves:
1) Pride: They think they deserve better, or ought to have done better
2) Fear: Fearful that, were they not as hard on themselves, they would end up either lazy or judged

"If I am this harsh on myself, people cannot be any harsher on me. I am safe." Paradox is, the God who created you, knows you fully and loves you, is not that harsh on you. And in His providence, you are safe.

The solution is not to be nicer to yourself or to love yourself more... It is to understand that the God who knows you fully - better than you know yourself - has already accepted you in Christ. In spite of all the evidence contrary and all the reasons for Him to not love you, He loves you anyway. You are hidden in Him.

"For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known." 1 Corinthians 13:12