Forgiveness

As professing believers, we are usually convinced that we've forgiven the bulk of people in our lives. We ignore the pangs of bitterness when a specific individual's name is mentioned, or the replays in our mind of what we could and should have said. We rationalize that it is only normal, that we don't have to "like" everyone, that we are solely accountable to God and not to others. Meanwhile, our heart harbors hatred, hypocrisy, pride and a desire for justice. Where is our witness? How are we light? Are we not just walking in blindness (1 John 2:1-11)?

When it comes to loving others, forgiveness must be one of the primary topics. Forgiveness is supernatural; there is no motivating factor that can counter the greatest wrongs but the love of Christ. It is impossible to hold a grudge against another, when your grudge against another is deemed worse but forgiven. Yet, we still hang on to justice. We require justice, not realizing that - were justice applied to us - we'd be the first ones convicted by our standards. Boundaries are good and proper, but they are never an excuse to bypass love. How hard is it for us to say sorry? How hard is it for us to accept sorry?

Reconciliation is not always a possibility, but forgiveness always is. There are a lot of sermons and books out there about forgiveness, many focusing on the parable of the unfaithful servant (Matthew 18), the command to forgive "seventy times seven" times, and Jesus' words about Mary (Luke 7:36-50). While forgiveness starts at the heart, it is helpful to have practical means to expose the areas of unforgiveness in our lives and hearts... and, more importantly, allow the light of Christ to shine in those areas. I've found the following 6 steps from one of Pastor Ed's sermons extremely helpful:

1. Acknowledge Your hurt
1. "I've been hurt" - Rather than bashing the person, state "I've been hurt"
2. Path to forgiveness starts with vulnerability
2. List specific offenses
1. May bring up old pains, but is necessary
   
3. Give yourself to God
1. Throw yourself to God (Job 1:21 - the Lord gives and takes away)
2. Either something has been taken away from us; or something we expect to have has not been given (or both). We are to surrender to God even the right to these things; remember, the Lord gave, the Lord taketh away, blessed be the name of the Lord
3. Focus is now on the Lord
   
4. Re-Framing: See the offender in the way God sees the person
1. Forgiveness: Two human beings, seeing each other in need of help (new light)
2. Person who perpetrated the hurt has themselves been hurt
3. Pray for the offender
   
5. Confess your sins to God: Critical spirit, judgmental spirit, anger, resentment, revenge (ask forgiveness as God reveals it to you)
6. Follow-Up: Forgiveness is not just a one-off deal
   
1. Forgiveness is a journey and an event
2. Forgiveness makes the pain decrease, not disappear
3. Forgiveness is like letting go of the string on a bell; bell still ringing, but will stop (letting go of a string is start of journey)
   
4. Hurt is there -> Each time, we ask God to help us make choice to road of freedom -> New forgiveness

He ends it by countering two popular myths:

1. I've already forgiven: Forgiveness is a journey
2. Forgive and forget: This is not a biblical notion
   
1. When you think of the incident and it hurts you, realize that forgiveness is a journey
2. Do NOT let this make you feel guilt
3. God is looking for a certain kind of forgiveness: Brokeness - even though all these happen, I don't understand. I lay hold of the fact that You are God, You are faithful, You will bring it to past.

It is a lot easier to forgive when we believe that God is good, God is in control, and God will bring it to past (i.e. He is always with us, He will started the work He completed, He has plans to prosper us, etc.).