It is such a blessing to have parents who love the Lord... parents whose lives are availed as a gold mine for their children. Other than the right answer of Jesus, my parents have been the greatest "gift" I've been given. Their wisdom has constantly challenged me to consider Christ; their example confirming that God holds to His promises. I would continue to their love, patience, etc. but that would just be mushy and self-serving (Hi Dad, Hi Mom). My parents read this.
In Nepal, one of the greatest take-aways was the preciousness and glory of Christ - seen through the dedication and lives of the believers there. I mentioned this before, but to reiterate.. their zeal was so infectious. I came back convinced that I was GOING to live like them. Nonetheless, the distractions of earthly pleasures and their pursuit grow like thorns, strangling the vibrancy and passion of knowing Christ. It is easy to cynically look at believers in 3rd world countries and claim that it is far easier for them to be dedicated to Him... after all, He is all they have. Yet, He is all we have too.
I started reading Ecclesiastes and I must say, I really resonate with Solomon. He was spot on. All the things we "possess" and work to secure are essentially meaningless; a chasing after the wind. In the midst of this malaise, how refreshing is it to see lives lived in relative comfort with the conviction that, when heaven and earth pass away, Jesus is all we have. We can now BE, knowing that He is all we need and that He came (Romans 8:32). To "seek Him first", and allow the promises of God to hold true.
I am so, so far from understanding or exemplifying. As C.S. Lewis noted, my desires not too strong but rather, too weak. Too easily distracted. Too often defeated. Too seldom living in the promised freedom. Back to the top.. what a blessing and treasure it is to have parents who point and pour out His preciousness to their children. It is truly the best gift they could ever give, and I am truly indebted.
Heart
Cracked by deceit
The mirror gone
My own lies
This image torn
One saw it all
And still accepted
Cured the shame
Now Him reflected
Shine more
Shine pure
Shine
Till all they see is You
- 5/21/2009
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Isaiah 43:18-19
I went to court today... Pleaded "no contest" to not stopping before turning right on red. Long story short, I asked the judge a bunch of questions, she kindly told me NO and reduced my fine to leave me with a $300+ picture and some demerit points. I don't know... I think the picture was worth it.I was pretty irritated with the whole procedure. That one intersection (according to reports), brings in about $500,000 a year from "patient" peeps like myself. It's a great money making mechanism, but probably not a good idea for restaurants on that intersection. That was one expensive burger. At least I got a picture.
Anyway... I'm trying my best to not complain about ANYTHING, and give thanks in all situations (hence my "glee" at the candid and frankly unflattering picture). I think a large part of that, for me at least, is letting go of the past and not revisiting it with regret or reminiscence. My mom shared the following verses with me a while back, reminding me to press on and live in the present. It was so timely.
Isiah 43
18 "Forget the former things;
do not dwell on the past.
19 See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the desert
and streams in the wasteland.
I'll always remember that card. I don't think it's theologically 100%, but it's a great reminder that we were NOT made to live on past memories and accomplishments or future hopes / pleasures. I constantly find myself falling into that trap. Somehow, when you remember the past - EVEN times of suffering - they always seem rosy compared to present sufferings. Army was GREAT, even though I hated being devoured by mosquitoes or sleeping in doo-doo. College was GREAT, even though I struggled with workload/responsibilities/job search... You get the point.
On certain occasions (when I am not picking the log out of my eye), I find myself in conversations where people are constantly complaining. No matter how you frame it, there is always a negative take. If you look carefully at these conversations, there's always an aspect of either: the past was so much better or it's so much better to be in the future. Kids want to be adults, adults want to be kids, college kids want to work, working adults want to study... You name it.
Forget the former things. That is life. If you (I really mean I) stop living in the past, you'll see that God is moving and working in your life in the very present. Do you not perceive it? Take stock of your life. God has never let you down and He never will; His track record is perfect. There is no joy in being a downer and living in the past. He promises us a life of fullness, and that is a life that is trusting Him to take care of us as we embark on this wild adventure. I really wish that I could perceive this in full and be so convinced... yet convicted by my lack of faith. He is making these streams and ways, EVEN in the midst of our deserts and wastelands (yes... even when we refused to listen and stubbornly made our way there).
Oh well. At this point, I have reached the level of shamelessly preaching to myself, and leveraging my expensive picture as fodder for optimism and a timely reminder for joy. I shall stop.
Friday, May 8, 2009
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Calf Contusion
Yes, that is what I supposedly have. I got kicked at soccer two weeks ago, and the swelling in my calf has yet to go away. I would post pictures, but nobody wants to see bigfoot (don't ask).
And yes, I spent an hour googling "Calf Bruising", "Calf Kick Pain", "Calf Cannot Walk" along with "Allergies vs. Swine Flu" to find out what was wrong with me. Funny how the cure for all muscle injuries is RICE. Also... I'm lying about the Swine Flu, I googled that last week when I had a sore throat.
Anyway... This post was supposed to be about not worrying (Psalm 127:2). You can probably see where it's going, so I shall put that verse into practice and get my 8-hours.
And yes, I spent an hour googling "Calf Bruising", "Calf Kick Pain", "Calf Cannot Walk" along with "Allergies vs. Swine Flu" to find out what was wrong with me. Funny how the cure for all muscle injuries is RICE. Also... I'm lying about the Swine Flu, I googled that last week when I had a sore throat.
Anyway... This post was supposed to be about not worrying (Psalm 127:2). You can probably see where it's going, so I shall put that verse into practice and get my 8-hours.
Friday, May 1, 2009
Me
I just had dinner with a college buddy. We talked about the ups and downs of work, and ended up with: "How can we possibly live a meaningful life in corporate America?" It's hard not to go through each day feeling like a drone... looking forward to breakfast, coffee, lunch, coffee, coffee, dinner, NBA playoffs.
Since I returned from Nepal (and got sick), I've had this weird sense of guilt. I constantly feel like I should be doing more - sending out e-mails, setting up meetings, taking the initiative, etc. After all, I received so much and have been so blessed. Oddly enough, that guilt makes me do even less. In my perfectionism, I end up giving up because there is just so much that can be done. That overriding guilt is like the proverbial piano teacher - constantly smacking my fingers and telling me how awful I am. I actually had a piano teacher like that.. she had brown teeth and awful coffee breath (Jeanette can validate this).
God created pharmaceutical companies (arguable) and He created consulting companies (even more debatable). There MUST be a way to live a victorious life as a traveling pharma consultant for His glory.
My Utmost for His Highest
We walk by faith, not by sight —2 Corinthians 5:7
Since I returned from Nepal (and got sick), I've had this weird sense of guilt. I constantly feel like I should be doing more - sending out e-mails, setting up meetings, taking the initiative, etc. After all, I received so much and have been so blessed. Oddly enough, that guilt makes me do even less. In my perfectionism, I end up giving up because there is just so much that can be done. That overriding guilt is like the proverbial piano teacher - constantly smacking my fingers and telling me how awful I am. I actually had a piano teacher like that.. she had brown teeth and awful coffee breath (Jeanette can validate this).
God created pharmaceutical companies (arguable) and He created consulting companies (even more debatable). There MUST be a way to live a victorious life as a traveling pharma consultant for His glory.
My Utmost for His Highest
We walk by faith, not by sight —2 Corinthians 5:7
For a while, we are fully aware of God’s concern for us. But then, when God begins to use us in His work, we begin to take on a pitiful look and talk only of our trials and difficulties. And all the while God is trying to make us do our work as hidden people who are not in the spotlight. None of us would be hidden spiritually if we could help it. Can we do our work when it seems that God has sealed up heaven? Some of us always want to be brightly illuminated saints with golden halos and with the continual glow of inspiration, and to have other saints of God dealing with us all the time. A self-assured saint is of to God. He is abnormal, unfit for daily life, and completely unlike God. We are here, not as immature angels, but as men and women, no valueto do the work of this world. And we are to do it with an infinitely greater power to withstand the struggle because we have been born from above.
If we continually try to bring back those exceptional moments of inspiration, it is a sign that it is not God we want. We are becoming obsessed with the moments when God did come and speak with us, and we are insisting that He do it again. But what God wants us to do is to "walk by faith." How many of us have set ourselves aside as if to say, "I cannot do anything else until God appears to me"? He will never do it. We will have to get up on our own, without any inspiration and without any sudden touch from God. Then comes our surprise and we find ourselves exclaiming, "Why, He was there all the time, and I never knew it!" Never live for those exceptional moments— they are surprises. God will give us His touches of inspiration only when He sees that we are not in danger of being led away by them. We must never consider our moments of inspiration as the standard way of life— our work is our standard.
Friday, April 24, 2009
What We Need (Reflection 2)
It's 4:30 a.m. (1:30 a.m. over here in San Francisco). I fell asleep at 8 due to jet lag, and haven't been able to go back to sleep. Oh well... a week ago I got food poisoning, so there's always something to be thankful for. Speaking of which, isn't it amazing how small the world is now? A week ago, I was at the foothills of a mountain in Nepal and now I'm sitting on my bed in a sanitized Courtyard in South San Francisco.
One of my recent struggles has been a desire to "jealously guard" what I learned in Nepal; constantly assessing my thoughts and emotions to ensure that I have not fallen far from the "high." Thinking out loud, there's something admirable about that - but also something dangerous. The danger comes from using our feelings as the sole barometer of our closeness to God (i.e. chasing a spiritual high) rather than His word. What's admirable, is that tasting His goodness leaves one always asking for more of Him. Experiencing his love afresh is such a gift, loving the person of Christ is so precious.
After 24-hours of my food poisoning, I was getting pretty frustrated. I had to fly back to the States soon, and couldn't even hold down a cream cracker. I'm not sure they have cream crackers in the US; I don't think anyone would eat it. They are bland, flaky crackers that people only eat if that is the only snack their mom will leave at home or if they are sick (both of which applied to me). I have this picture of me eating cream crackers in the dark, while drinking a bottle of water. It is very sad, but also sort of funny.
In any case, there was one point where the cramps were unbearable and my system couldn't hold food down for any longer than 30 minutes. I'd eat and drink something, only to wake up 30 minutes later and take up my throne in the bathroom. I'm sorry if this is sort of crass, it's late and toilet humor is a good fall back. Anyway... after the 20+ time of a certain activity, I felt like a crude filtration system. I felt awful.
My parents were pretty awesome throughout this entire process, and would check up on me and pray for me throughout the night. At one particular time, my mom encouraged me to praise God. This would usually irritate me, as she wasn't the one ingesting stomach acid. But it was such truth for that time. One of the subtle lies that had crept in to my life was: if we are faithful, he will be faithful in kind and answer our prayers as we desire. Yes, God delights to honor our faithfulness, but He is not required to give us anything. He already has. If we are constantly looking to Him in order for us to receive something, our faith becomes very superficial and shallow.
I was bringing my petty accomplishments on the trip to him as evidence of my service and faithfulness. In kind, I would like to be healed. It was only when I heard the admonition to praise God that something shifted.. Actually, right before my mom prayed - the song "Jesus, we enthrone you" came to my head. There's something very powerful and freeing about proclaiming Christ as king, even when the light at the end of the tunnel is no where near.
After some reflection, I think this is what it is: When we can praise Jesus in spite of us not receiving a clear answer to our prayers, we are telling Jesus that He is better than anything He can give. It brings a freedom, because I am free to praise Him regardless of what I get. I am not bound by circumstance nor outcome, but simply by His goodness. That brief realization was so precious.. I pray that I do not forget.
We are really a work in progress. We are a stubborn, selfish and gift seeking people; in spite of the fact that He is all we need. Imagine the type of people we'd be if we were constantly living the truth that an intimacy with Him is sweeter than anything in the world; that THAT is all we need in life; that THAT is our bread and our drink; and that THAT is the source of our strength. We'd win the world over in no time.
Having shared all this, I know that it was His grace to reveal this to me (i.e. "flesh and blood has not made this known...") His grace to encourage me when my stomach and heart was failing. I'm scared I'll forget... but I have to remember that though the feeling fade and the high go away, the God who deserved to be praised in the midst of food poisoning deserves praise in times of promotion and success or loss and weakness. What a freedom it brings to realize that He is constant and likewise, deserves the same response from us. How it frees us from thinking we need to work for His favor.. we do not need to "twist His arm" in order to get what we want. We need to be "twisted back" to see what we need. It is Him, it is Him, it is Him.
Jesus paid it all, all to Him I owe, sin had left a crimson stain, He washed it white as snow.
One of my recent struggles has been a desire to "jealously guard" what I learned in Nepal; constantly assessing my thoughts and emotions to ensure that I have not fallen far from the "high." Thinking out loud, there's something admirable about that - but also something dangerous. The danger comes from using our feelings as the sole barometer of our closeness to God (i.e. chasing a spiritual high) rather than His word. What's admirable, is that tasting His goodness leaves one always asking for more of Him. Experiencing his love afresh is such a gift, loving the person of Christ is so precious.
After 24-hours of my food poisoning, I was getting pretty frustrated. I had to fly back to the States soon, and couldn't even hold down a cream cracker. I'm not sure they have cream crackers in the US; I don't think anyone would eat it. They are bland, flaky crackers that people only eat if that is the only snack their mom will leave at home or if they are sick (both of which applied to me). I have this picture of me eating cream crackers in the dark, while drinking a bottle of water. It is very sad, but also sort of funny.
In any case, there was one point where the cramps were unbearable and my system couldn't hold food down for any longer than 30 minutes. I'd eat and drink something, only to wake up 30 minutes later and take up my throne in the bathroom. I'm sorry if this is sort of crass, it's late and toilet humor is a good fall back. Anyway... after the 20+ time of a certain activity, I felt like a crude filtration system. I felt awful.
My parents were pretty awesome throughout this entire process, and would check up on me and pray for me throughout the night. At one particular time, my mom encouraged me to praise God. This would usually irritate me, as she wasn't the one ingesting stomach acid. But it was such truth for that time. One of the subtle lies that had crept in to my life was: if we are faithful, he will be faithful in kind and answer our prayers as we desire. Yes, God delights to honor our faithfulness, but He is not required to give us anything. He already has. If we are constantly looking to Him in order for us to receive something, our faith becomes very superficial and shallow.
I was bringing my petty accomplishments on the trip to him as evidence of my service and faithfulness. In kind, I would like to be healed. It was only when I heard the admonition to praise God that something shifted.. Actually, right before my mom prayed - the song "Jesus, we enthrone you" came to my head. There's something very powerful and freeing about proclaiming Christ as king, even when the light at the end of the tunnel is no where near.
After some reflection, I think this is what it is: When we can praise Jesus in spite of us not receiving a clear answer to our prayers, we are telling Jesus that He is better than anything He can give. It brings a freedom, because I am free to praise Him regardless of what I get. I am not bound by circumstance nor outcome, but simply by His goodness. That brief realization was so precious.. I pray that I do not forget.
We are really a work in progress. We are a stubborn, selfish and gift seeking people; in spite of the fact that He is all we need. Imagine the type of people we'd be if we were constantly living the truth that an intimacy with Him is sweeter than anything in the world; that THAT is all we need in life; that THAT is our bread and our drink; and that THAT is the source of our strength. We'd win the world over in no time.
Having shared all this, I know that it was His grace to reveal this to me (i.e. "flesh and blood has not made this known...") His grace to encourage me when my stomach and heart was failing. I'm scared I'll forget... but I have to remember that though the feeling fade and the high go away, the God who deserved to be praised in the midst of food poisoning deserves praise in times of promotion and success or loss and weakness. What a freedom it brings to realize that He is constant and likewise, deserves the same response from us. How it frees us from thinking we need to work for His favor.. we do not need to "twist His arm" in order to get what we want. We need to be "twisted back" to see what we need. It is Him, it is Him, it is Him.
Jesus paid it all, all to Him I owe, sin had left a crimson stain, He washed it white as snow.
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Jesus Shall Take the Highest Honor (Reflection 1)
So true. Only one name deserves the highest honor. Before I go into the emotional rhetoric of why, there is the very personal and practical aspect. Namely, all of us were made to worship something; to base our lives on something.
During this trip, one of things I learned and re-learned was that only Jesus deserves the highest honor. He is the only one worth worshiping and it really is all about Him. It is not foolishness to dedicate your life to the one who paid it all. This may be emotional right now, but I am also writing this to "remember in the valley what I learned on the peak."
Part of this lesson came from being humbled. There's nothing I could teach the people here, they knew (experientially) far more than me - it was I who was blessed. But yet, it's really not about that - as important as it is for us to know God and His word. All of our work, no matter how noble, must be done in the spirit of bringing Jesus glory. Not me - that cannot be the concern. If it is, then I can only be satisfied when my actions bring about results. If it isn't, then it's more than OK if only one of my words made any positive impact. As my dad says, your life's work may only win one convert for Christ - but he/she may turn out to be the next Billy Graham. In the end, it's not about the results, it's about His glory. Because... Jesus shall take the Highest honor.
In the end, He will receive all the glory. He will be known on every tongue and tribe as the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords. He will restore nations and peoples, and once and for all, destroy sin and its effects: poverty, child exploitation, bad governments, etc. What a privilege it is for us to be co-laborers with him. How foolish for us to think we are needed to "bring something to the table." How beautiful it is for believers of every tribe and tongue to worship God, regardless of background, color, or anything else.
The gospel is really the power of God for the salvation of many. Too many times (in the "West"), we diminish the power of its message by making excuses for it or over pop-culturing it. I'm speaking for myself. But the message of Jesus dying for our sins to reconcile us to God does not need to be excused for. It is the power of God for the salvation of many. Will share more later.
So, this is my first thought. I've really been humbled on this trip. There's not much (on paper) that I could bring to the table... All I could do was learn. But that's ok. God is more interested with what we are becoming, than what we can bring. Likewise, we are most satisfied when we are living for the one thing that deserves the highest honor. Everything else gives a taste, but no where near satisfies. I've been so challenged by the brothers here (both on the team and local Christians), who sacrifice so much because of Christ.
It's awe inspiring to see how much they give up, how much they press in and how much they rejoice in ministry. The songs they worship with often reflect on the glory, honor and power of Christ - for very obvious reasons. He is their sustenance, as He is ours. He is their stronghold, as He is ours. He deserves the highest praise - from me, from the Nepali Christians and from all the earth.
During this trip, one of things I learned and re-learned was that only Jesus deserves the highest honor. He is the only one worth worshiping and it really is all about Him. It is not foolishness to dedicate your life to the one who paid it all. This may be emotional right now, but I am also writing this to "remember in the valley what I learned on the peak."
Part of this lesson came from being humbled. There's nothing I could teach the people here, they knew (experientially) far more than me - it was I who was blessed. But yet, it's really not about that - as important as it is for us to know God and His word. All of our work, no matter how noble, must be done in the spirit of bringing Jesus glory. Not me - that cannot be the concern. If it is, then I can only be satisfied when my actions bring about results. If it isn't, then it's more than OK if only one of my words made any positive impact. As my dad says, your life's work may only win one convert for Christ - but he/she may turn out to be the next Billy Graham. In the end, it's not about the results, it's about His glory. Because... Jesus shall take the Highest honor.
In the end, He will receive all the glory. He will be known on every tongue and tribe as the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords. He will restore nations and peoples, and once and for all, destroy sin and its effects: poverty, child exploitation, bad governments, etc. What a privilege it is for us to be co-laborers with him. How foolish for us to think we are needed to "bring something to the table." How beautiful it is for believers of every tribe and tongue to worship God, regardless of background, color, or anything else.
The gospel is really the power of God for the salvation of many. Too many times (in the "West"), we diminish the power of its message by making excuses for it or over pop-culturing it. I'm speaking for myself. But the message of Jesus dying for our sins to reconcile us to God does not need to be excused for. It is the power of God for the salvation of many. Will share more later.
So, this is my first thought. I've really been humbled on this trip. There's not much (on paper) that I could bring to the table... All I could do was learn. But that's ok. God is more interested with what we are becoming, than what we can bring. Likewise, we are most satisfied when we are living for the one thing that deserves the highest honor. Everything else gives a taste, but no where near satisfies. I've been so challenged by the brothers here (both on the team and local Christians), who sacrifice so much because of Christ.
It's awe inspiring to see how much they give up, how much they press in and how much they rejoice in ministry. The songs they worship with often reflect on the glory, honor and power of Christ - for very obvious reasons. He is their sustenance, as He is ours. He is their stronghold, as He is ours. He deserves the highest praise - from me, from the Nepali Christians and from all the earth.
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