Crushed

Sometimes, a single word captures the essence of an experience more than a sentence, paragraph or novel. Or a thoughtful nod... more support and encouragement than a dissertation on grace. Or a song... more emotion and pain than I could ever express.

The past few months have been extremely dark. Near the start of it, a friend mentioned: "When we ask Christ to change us, he doesn't just add a little maturity here, or a little spirituality there... Often times, he brings a wrecking ball to our lives."

I am convinced that God is interested in nothing less than our conforming to the image of His son. If we ask Him to enter our lives, we must be willing to trust in spite of the sufferings that will come our way. I would not wish this experience on anyone, but there've been many treasures in this darkness (Isaiah 45:3), which I believe will continue to belong to me as I persevere" in them and not just pay them mental assent.

"Be diligent in these matters; give yourself wholly to them, so that everyone may see your progress. Watch your life and doctrine closely. Persevere in them, because if you do, you will save both yourself and your hearers." (1 Timothy 4:15-16)

Strangely enough, one of the sources of encouragement during this time has been through the weirdest of mediums: Rage Against the Machine and Chevelle. For those who know me, this is not typical... Until recently, I never understood why I was always drawn to bands like Linkin Park, RATM, Chevelle, Saving Benjamin, etc. In short, they expressed something I couldn't. I agree that not all of it is beneficial, but feelings like anger, fear, sadness, etc. are indications of something amiss. When sent below and not dealt with, they fester and can produce all sorts of maladies in our soul.

Giving thanks, not allowing the sun go down to our anger, turning the other cheek, etc. cannot be taken to mean "suck it up." We were created to live, feel and own ourselves (i.e. self-control) not by not-feeling, but by learning how to trust God in the face of these feelings. Or rather, "when you are on your beds, search your hearts and be silent" (Psalm 4:4b). He is God, we are not, and there is joy and peace in realizing and relinquishing our utter weakness, sinfulness and stubbornness (Deuteronomy 29:29).

I don't think I can be happy about this time of suffering, but I am thankful for the path its pushed me towards. "It was good for me to be afflicted, so that I might learn your decrees" (Psalm 119:71). When it comes down to it, the person of God is the answer. None of our clever arguments or self-flatulation can earn an inch more of righteousness. When Christ died, he took the penalty for our sins, the power of our sin (over us) and the effect of our sins (guilt and shame). Where best to know the person of God than in the full, bodily representation of God - Jesus Christ? Where best to know Christ than in the word?

"The sermon and the Spirit always work in combination to pronounce liberation. Sometimes the Spirit and sermon do supply direct answers to human need but most often they answer indirectly. The sermon no matter how sincere cannot solve these
unsolvable problems. Rather, together with the Spirit the sermon exists to point out that having answers is not essential to living. What is essential is the sense of God’s presence during dark seasons of questioning. Our need for specific answers is dissolved in the greater issue of the Lordship of Christ over all questions-those that have answers and those that don’t."

Looking forward to sharing more...