Vented

I'm on this initiative to not complain.. about people, weather, flights, etc. But right now, I need to vent. Maybe this will give me a better perspective.. maybe not. I know there is a reason for everything.

• Last night: Supposed to meet a friend for drinks/dinner. Friend lost number. Ate my taco, watched some TV, read, went to bed.
• 3:45 am: Woke up in a weird position. Neck hurts. Can't go back to sleep.
  
• Work day: Fire-fighting (not literal) while half asleep. Wish I wasn't on this project by myself.
• 2:00 pm: Check flight status for 3:15 pm flight. Flight delayed for hour and a half. Scheduled to leave at 4:45 pm, reach NY at 1 a.m. Decide to try finish up more work.
  
• 3:30 pm: Get to airport.
• 3:45 pm: Reach gate and find out that delay was rescinded. Flight was pushed up to 3:40 pm. Watch as staff tell me gate is closed, while I see crew still loading luggage. Watch plane pull away.
  

It's taken me over an hour (and a brief nap), to be calm enough to take out my computer and attempt at being productive. My parents have related numerous stories of God orchestrating situations, even missed flights, for his ultimate glory in the most unforeseen ways. I don't know what the purpose of this small episode is and - as I stood at the gate watching the plane pull out - I must admit that His glory was one of the last things on my mind.

But as I sat down tired, frustrated and sorta defeated, one of my parents' stories came to mind. Things like this happen for a reason.

The past week hasn't been easy; revisited by wounds I long thought healed, dealing with the loneliness of working out here myself, hearing the voices of rejection and inadequacy that spew lies and hopelessness. But before I slept last night, there was a measured peace that God would never leave nor forsake me. That He was in control.

Yes, today wasn't the best of days.. But as I sit here with 4 hours left before I find out if I actually get on the next flight, it is ok. Not because I've found something to do or am confident that I'll get on the next flight, but because He has always provided and today is no different.

Too much of my life is spent figuring out how to point to me. I really appreciate John's post on narcissism and self-love, because - while easy to see in others - it exists all the more in me. Nonetheless, if I am convinced that I am taken care of, then I am set free to live for others and point towards the only One that deserves glory.

As I whined and complained to my sister last night, she reminded me that I had once determined to live for the "Glory and Approval of One." Life definitely throws us curve balls, even when we live faithfully and are obedient to His word. People fail us, as do our plans, schedules and best intentions. But, as God provided for the Israelites in the desert, He provides for us. That we would stop complaining and whining, thinking we deserve a smooth ride because of our actions or past struggles. He knows what is best, and is determined to mine and refine us into a "certain kind".

I am still tired. But now, more than most times, His love is so sweet, so real, so constant. What an awesome God we serve.